Chapter 3: Hunger

The video played on her laptop screen in the dark living room. Sugi sat curled in one corner of the couch, the blue glow illuminating her face and the empty takeout containers still on the table from hours before.

On screen, she watched herself eat. The angle was slightly off-center, cutting off part of her shoulder but giving a clear view of the bowl of macaroni and cheese. She watched her own hand bring forkful after forkful to her mouth with mechanical determination. The chewing looked exaggerated somehow—jaw working steadily, throat swallowing with visible effort after each bite. Her expression stayed mostly blank through the first half, just focused concentration on the task of moving food from bowl to stomach.

But then something changed around the three-minute mark. On screen, she paused with the fork halfway to her mouth, breathing a little heavier. The camera caught the slight sheen of sweat on her forehead. Her free hand drifted down to rest on her stomach beneath the table, pressing gently against what was already becoming a firm swell under her t-shirt.

Watching it now, Sugi remembered that moment. The fullness had been building steadily, transforming from pleasant satiation into that familiar heavy pressure. On video, she saw herself take the next bite anyway, chewing more slowly this time, swallowing with a grimace that wasn’t quite pain but wasn’t comfort either.

Her own voice came through the laptop speakers—thin and awkward from the phone’s microphone. “This is… my second day.”

She cringed at the sound. The pause after “day” stretched too long, making her seem unsure of what she was even doing there in front of the camera.

“I ate a lot yesterday. Four thousand eight hundred seventy-two calories.”

Hearing herself say the number out loud triggered a hot flush across her cheeks and neck. It wasn’t embarrassment exactly—more like exposure. That specific figure belonged in spreadsheets and lab reports, not spoken aloud in her quiet apartment while recording herself consuming another mountain of food. The clinical precision of it contrasted sharply with what the video showed: just a woman eating past the point of comfort because she wanted to.

The video continued. She watched herself finish the macaroni, then move on to the garlic bread, tearing pieces with her fingers instead of using utensils now. The movements became less careful, more urgent. By the time she picked up the milkshake glass, her breathing was visibly labored—shoulders rising and falling with each shallow inhale.

She remembered that part too. The milkshake had been hardest, sitting cold and thick on top of everything else already packed inside her. On screen, she watched herself struggle through it, taking small sips that required visible effort to swallow past the solid mass already occupying her digestive tract.

The video ended abruptly when she reached for the phone to stop recording, the frame jerking sideways before cutting to black.

Sugi sat in the silence afterward, the laptop fan humming softly. The empty containers on her table smelled of cheese and garlic and sweet cream. Her stomach still felt full from hours earlier—not painfully distended like after the first meal, but solidly packed, digesting slowly through the evening.

She should delete it.

The thought arrived with practical clarity. The video served no real purpose now that she’d documented the meal in her private blog with photos and notes. Keeping it was just risky—another file that could accidentally sync to cloud storage or get discovered if anyone ever used her laptop. Sensible people would delete it immediately.

Her finger moved to the trackpad, cursor hovering over the trash icon.

But she didn’t click.

Instead she rewound to the three-minute mark again—to that moment where her hand pressed against her stomach beneath the table. She watched it play forward once more: the strained swallowing, the increasingly labored breathing, the focused determination in her own eyes as she forced down another bite despite obvious discomfort.

Something tightened low in her belly that had nothing to do with digestion.

The feeling was familiar from years of private fantasies—that specific blend of shame and arousal that had always accompanied thoughts of doing exactly this: eating until she couldn’t anymore, until her body changed from it, until anyone looking at her would know immediately what she’d been doing to herself. The shame came from knowing how it looked from outside—gluttonous, wasteful, unhealthy, all the things polite society taught you to avoid. The arousal came from that same knowledge, honestly.

Watching herself now, she could see both perspectives simultaneously: the woman on screen looked ridiculous struggling through food she clearly didn’t need, and also deeply compelling in her singular focus on consuming beyond reason.

She closed the laptop lid suddenly, cutting off the blue glow and plunging the room into near-darkness lit only by streetlights filtering through the blinds. The sudden darkness didn’t erase the images though—they lingered behind her eyes as she sat there breathing in the smell of her own indulgence.

Sleep came eventually, but it was fitful and crowded with half-remembered scenes from the video playing on loop in her dreams.

---

Morning arrived with gray light and the persistent ache of fullness that hadn’t fully dissipated overnight. Sugi dressed for work automatically, choosing another loose sweater and the same black stretch pants from yesterday since they were still clean enough. The pants definitely felt tighter around the waist when she pulled them up, the elastic digging into skin that felt softer somehow than it had just days ago.

At work, she moved through her morning tasks with practiced efficiency while avoiding thinking about last night’s video. The memory kept surfacing anyway—flashes of her own face on screen chewing methodically, swallowing with effort, hand pressing against a growing stomach.

When lunch break came at noon, she followed coworkers to the cafeteria more out of habit than actual hunger. Her stomach still felt heavy from last night’s meal, though not unpleasantly so—just persistently full in a way that made the idea of eating more seem unnecessary honestly.

The cafeteria offered the usual options: salad bar, hot entrees behind glass partitions, sandwiches made to order. Sugi took a tray and moved through the line without really looking at anything until she found herself at the salad section.

A salad made sense logically. Light, healthy, something to give her body a break from the heavy meals of the past two days while still providing nutrients. She filled a bowl with mixed greens, adding cherry tomatoes, cucumber slices, a sprinkle of shredded carrots. At the dressing station she chose vinaigrette over creamy options—fewer calories obviously.

At the register she added an apple from the fruit basket, paying quickly before finding an empty table near the windows where she could eat alone.

Sitting down with her tray, she looked at the meal properly for the first time. The salad was mostly green with spots of red and orange mixed through it. The apple sat beside it looking shiny and perfect under the fluorescent lights.

She picked up her fork and speared a piece of lettuce along with a tomato. Bringing it to her mouth felt strange—the motion was too small after two days of loading forkfuls with dense pasta or cheese-soaked bread. She chewed slowly. The lettuce was crisp and watery tasting. The vinaigrette provided sharp acidity that made her tongue tingle slightly.

Swallowing required almost no effort at all. The bite disappeared down her throat without resistance, leaving barely any sensation behind beyond the faint aftertaste of vinegar.

She took another bite. More lettuce, more tomato. Same result.

Halfway through the bowl she realized she was just going through motions—lifting fork to mouth, chewing mechanically, swallowing without thinking about it. There was no challenge here, no effort required beyond basic mastication. No building fullness to track as each addition expanded what she could already feel inside herself.

Her gaze drifted away from her tray to other tables where coworkers ate actual meals: plates piled with mashed potatoes and meatloaf, bowls of steaming soup with bread rolls on the side, sandwiches thick with multiple layers of meat and cheese. One man near the window worked through a slice of pizza folded in half, taking large bites that required real chewing before swallowing.

She looked back at her own nearly-finished salad. A few stray pieces of lettuce clung to the sides of the bowl where dressing had pooled in the bottom. The apple remained untouched beside it.

Picking up the apple felt like admitting defeat somehow. She turned it in her hand once before setting it back down untouched. Then she stood abruptly, carrying her tray to the dish return where she dumped what remained of the salad into the compost bin along with the perfectly good apple.

Walking back to the lab felt like returning to reality after a failed attempt at normalcy.

---

Back at her workstation, Sugi tried to focus on the lipid analysis running on her computer screen. The numbers scrolled past in orderly columns—saturation percentages, melting points, oxidation levels for three different cooking oil samples they were testing for a client.

Her concentration kept slipping though.

About twenty minutes after returning from lunch, a low gurgle echoed from deep within her abdomen. The sound was distinct even over the hum of laboratory equipment—a prolonged rumble that seemed to travel from her stomach down toward her intestines.

She shifted slightly in her chair, hoping movement might settle whatever internal process was causing the noise.

Instead another gurgle followed almost immediately afterward—shorter but louder somehow in the quiet lab space where most sounds were mechanical: centrifuges spinning, analyzers clicking through cycles, ventilation systems humming steadily overhead.

A colleague glanced over from two stations away before returning to his work without comment thankfully.

Sugi kept her eyes fixed on her computer screen as if deeply absorbed in data interpretation while internally tracking sensations from her digestive system. The hunger felt different today than any hunger she could remember from before starting this project honestly. Before it had been just a signal—a reminder to eat when mealtimes arrived or when blood sugar dropped between tasks.

This hunger had layers now.

There was still that basic empty sensation low in her stomach where last night’s meal had finally processed enough to leave space again apparently. But underneath that sat something else—a kind of craving that wasn’t just for calories but for quantity itself: for weight and volume and that specific heavy pressure of being completely filled up again after emptying out somewhat overnight.

Her spreadsheet plan called for grazing today—smaller meals spread throughout waking hours to maintain calorie intake without overwhelming her system like those first two massive dinners had done obviously enough already considering how uncomfortable they’d made her feel afterward despite how good they’d also felt in other ways simultaneously somehow both things true at once which shouldn’t make sense logically but did anyway naturally enough when you stopped trying to explain everything rationally all

time maybe especially when your stomach was growling again louder now insistently demanding attention regardless

of whatever sensible plans you’d made earlier while thinking clearly before hunger started rewriting priorities from

inside your own body where decisions got made by different logic entirely apparently yes indeed certainly so

without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently

She opened her desk drawer quietly using one hand while keeping eyes on screen pretending still focused on work data analysis very important cannot be interrupted right now obviously yes indeed certainly so absolutely definitely unquestionably sure thing okay fine whatever works honestly just need

The protein bars lived in back behind spare pens and notepads where she’d hidden them this morning after buying them yesterday along with groceries for sensible meal planning that already seemed outdated somehow given current circumstances unfolding presently right this very moment actually happening now indeed yes sure thing okay fine whatever works honestly just need something now quickly discreetly before anyone notices anything unusual happening here at all whatsoever

She unwrapped first bar under cover desk pretending organize papers while actually tearing foil packaging slowly carefully trying minimize noise ripping sound might draw attention nobody looking though good safe probably maybe hopefully okay fine

The bar tasted artificial—chocolate coating over dense peanut butter paste textured like compressed sawdust sweetened with corn syrup probably according ingredient lists she’d read briefly while purchasing yesterday focusing mainly calorie count per serving which was high enough honestly around three hundred fifty each bar good enough for now temporary solution until later when could eat properly again soonish presumably yes

Chewing required effort though not nearly as much as last night’s macaroni obviously still more than salad would have demanded admittedly so there was that small satisfaction at least somewhat anyway honestly just need calories quickly discreetly before

She finished first bar quickly swallowing last bite with difficulty dry paste sticking roof mouth needing water sip bottle desk helped wash down okay fine done now hunger still there though less immediate maybe temporary relief good enough for moment anyway probably maybe hopefully okay fine whatever works honestly just need

But ten minutes later stomach growled again even louder than before persistent demanding more still obviously not satisfied yet apparently so okay fine second bar then quick unwrap same routine hiding wrapper inside lab coat pocket already containing first wrapper crinkling foil quietly hopefully nobody hears anything unusual happening here whatsoever honestly just need

Second bar tasted exactly same artificial chocolate peanut butter paste texture dense dry requiring water washes down again okay fine done now two bars seven hundred calories total good enough for afternoon presumably hopefully maybe okay fine whatever works honestly just need make through rest shift until can eat properly later tonight planning already forming mind while pretending work data analysis very important cannot be interrupted right now obviously yes indeed certainly so absolutely definitely unquestionably sure thing okay fine whatever works honestly

The protein bars settled like dense lumps in her stomach, quieting the growling temporarily but leaving a vaguely artificial aftertaste that water couldn’t quite wash away. For about an hour she managed to focus on her work properly, running calculations for the lipid stability testing and documenting results with the meticulous attention she usually brought to everything. The numbers behaved predictably, which was comforting in its own way—unlike her body lately, which kept introducing new variables she hadn’t fully accounted for yet.

Around three o’clock the hunger returned anyway, creeping back in as a hollow feeling beneath the protein bar residue. It wasn’t the sharp emptiness from before lunch, more like a persistent awareness that her stomach had processed those bars already and now wanted something else. Something more.

Her eyes kept drifting toward the break room down the hallway where she knew vending machines stood stocked with chips and candy and other things she’d avoided buying for years already. The thought of walking past coworkers to get there made her hesitate though—too many questions about why she needed snacks after supposedly eating lunch just a few hours earlier obviously.

Then she remembered the vending machine near the secondary lab entrance, the one in the little alcove by the freight elevator that hardly anyone used except maintenance staff and people taking deliveries. That one would be quieter, more private probably.

She waited until her immediate work area cleared out—the colleague two stations over left for a meeting, and the lab assistant who usually restocked supplies was nowhere in sight. Standing up slowly, she smoothed her sweater down over her stomach automatically before realizing what she was doing and stopping mid-motion. The fabric draped loosely enough that nothing showed through anyway, thankfully.

The walk to the secondary entrance felt longer than it should have honestly. Each step seemed to draw attention to itself somehow, though the hallway was mostly empty at this hour with everyone either at their stations or in meetings. Her shoes made soft clicking sounds on the linoleum floor that echoed slightly in the quiet corridor.

The vending machine stood in its alcove exactly as remembered—an older model with flickering fluorescent lights behind glass panels illuminating rows of candy bars and chips and packaged pastries. She approached it slowly, fishing her wallet from her lab coat pocket while scanning the selections quickly.

Her eyes skipped over granola bars and pretzel packs, landing instead on the chocolate section. Two particular bars caught her attention: thick chocolate coating over caramel and nougat, each packaging promising substantial calories per serving according to nutritional information printed in tiny text on the back probably. She didn’t need to check though—years of food science work gave her rough estimates already: maybe two hundred fifty each, maybe three hundred depending on size honestly.

The machine accepted her dollar bills with a mechanical whirring sound before spitting out change into the metal tray below. She pressed the selection buttons quickly, watching as first one bar then another tumbled down into the retrieval slot with satisfying thunks.

Retrieving them felt strangely illicit somehow, even though she’d paid for them normally like anyone else might do during an afternoon slump. She shoved both bars into her lab coat pockets where they made distinct rectangular bulges against the fabric.

Turning away from the machine, she hesitated about where to eat them. Returning to her workstation seemed risky—too many people might see her unwrapping candy at her desk during regular work hours when she should be analyzing samples obviously. The bathroom offered privacy but felt vaguely unsanitary for eating honestly.

Then she remembered the little hallway branching off toward the supply closets—a narrow passage barely wide enough for carts that nobody used except when fetching extra reagents or cleaning supplies. It would be empty this time of day probably.

She walked there quickly, footsteps echoing differently now on concrete instead of linoleum since this area wasn’t meant for regular traffic. The hallway was dimly lit by widely spaced overhead fixtures, some of them flickering slightly as if about to burn out eventually. At the far end stood two large gray doors labeled STORAGE with warnings about authorized personnel only.

Halfway down she stopped, leaning back against the cold concrete wall and listening for any sounds of approaching footsteps or cart wheels. Nothing came except the distant hum of building ventilation systems and the faint buzz of faulty lighting somewhere above.

Her hands shook slightly as she pulled the first candy bar from her pocket—not from nerves exactly, more from anticipation mixed with residual shame about hiding in a supply hallway to eat junk food secretly during work hours obviously. The wrapper tore easily though, revealing chocolate already slightly softened from being in her warm pocket for those few minutes already.

She took the first bite quickly before she could overthink it further. The chocolate melted immediately on her tongue, sweet and waxy with that particular artificial flavor of mass-produced confectionery. Underneath came caramel—thick and sticky between her teeth—followed by nougat that had the texture of hardened marshmallow basically.

Chewing required real effort thanks to all three layers sticking together into a dense mass that demanded thorough mastication before swallowing could happen safely without choking hazard concerns honestly. She worked through it methodically while staring at the opposite wall where someone had taped up an old safety poster about proper lifting techniques that had faded nearly to illegibility over time presumably.

The first bar disappeared faster than expected honestly. One moment she was unwrapping it, then a few bites later only wrapper remained in her hand while sweet residue coated her teeth and tongue reminding her of childhood treats she hadn’t allowed herself in years already until recently obviously given current circumstances unfolding presently right this very moment actually happening now indeed yes sure thing okay fine whatever works honestly just need

She crumpled the wrapper into a tight ball before stuffing it back into her lab coat pocket alongside the protein bar wrappers from earlier already forming a small crinkling collection there apparently growing steadily throughout day so far interesting development worth noting perhaps later when documenting everything properly maybe possibly hopefully okay fine whatever works honestly just need

Second bar came out next unwrapped same routine quick tearing foil revealing identical chocolate caramel nougat construction waiting consumption immediately now without delay because hunger still there persistent demanding more still obviously not satisfied yet apparently so okay fine whatever works honestly just need make through rest shift until can eat properly later tonight planning already forming mind while

This one she ate more slowly though not by much honestly maybe savoring slightly given it last snack available until leaving work several hours from now still plenty time needing bridge somehow between now then probably requiring additional calories somehow maybe vending machine again later if necessary possibly yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

Finished second bar same result wrapper balled pocket added collection growing steadily now interesting development worth noting perhaps later when documenting everything properly maybe possibly hopefully okay fine whatever works honestly just need

She lingered in the hallway another minute listening again for any approaching sounds before deciding coast clear enough probably maybe hopefully okay fine whatever works honestly just need return workstation now continue work like normal person not someone who just hid supply hallway eating candy bars secretly during afternoon slump obviously yes indeed certainly so absolutely definitely unquestionably sure thing okay fine whatever works honestly just need

Walking back felt different somehow—her stomach now contained not just salad remnants and protein bars but also two candy bars adding probably five hundred calories minimum to daily intake already substantial from last night’s meal still digesting somewhat presumably given how full she’d woken up this morning honestly just need

Back at her station she sat down carefully adjusting chair position slightly to accommodate how her body occupied space differently now than even yesterday apparently yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

---

The stretch pants had been comfortable this morning when she first put them on—the elastic waistband sitting low enough below her stomach that it didn’t press against sensitive areas still tender from last night’s meal obviously. But now, as she leaned forward to adjust settings on the lipid analyzer, she became acutely aware of how the fabric dug into her waistline with each movement.

It wasn’t painful exactly, just a constant pressure around her midsection that reminded her with every shift in position that her body had changed dimensions already somehow even after just three days of intentional overeating honestly surprising how quickly physical adjustments became noticeable apparently yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

She tried sitting back straighter to relieve pressure somewhat but that only made things worse actually—the waistband rode higher up her torso then pressing directly against soft flesh that had definitely expanded outward since Monday morning measurements taken then documented carefully in notebook and private blog under name Chubby Cutie obviously yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

Leaning forward again helped somewhat distributing pressure differently but then back started aching from unnatural posture maintained too long already probably not sustainable for remaining work hours still ahead obviously yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

She shifted subtly trying find comfortable position eventually settling on halfway compromise—leaning slightly forward but not enough to strain back while also keeping waistband from digging too deeply into softening flesh around midsection interesting development worth noting perhaps later when documenting everything properly maybe possibly hopefully okay fine whatever works honestly just need make through rest shift until can eat properly later tonight planning already forming mind while pretending work data analysis very important cannot be interrupted right now obviously yes indeed certainly so absolutely definitely unquestionably sure thing okay fine whatever works honestly just need

---

“Hey Sugi.”

The voice came from behind her right shoulder unexpectedly making her jump slightly before turning to see Lisa standing there holding a tablet computer and smiling politely obviously waiting attention regarding something work-related presumably yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

Lisa worked in quality assurance usually handling client reports and compliance documentation—friendly enough professionally though they’d never interacted much beyond necessary work communications honestly just another coworker among dozens in building basically okay fine whatever works honestly just need address whatever she wants quickly then return work promptly hopefully maybe okay fine whatever works honestly just need

“Hi Lisa,” Sugi said turning fully in chair now careful not to move too suddenly given current waistband situation pressing against softening flesh reminding constantly of changes underway already apparently yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

“I’m finalizing the stability report for the sunflower oil project,” Lisa said tapping tablet screen showing spreadsheet data presumably related to topic mentioned obviously yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about “Your oxidation results from Tuesday—I’m showing a slight discrepancy between what you logged and what the automated system recorded. Just wanted to check which number we should use for the final.”

Sugi reached for her own notebook flipping pages quickly to Tuesday’s entries while simultaneously aware of how her sweater stretched across shoulders and chest as she moved arms forward to retrieve notebook from desk edge where it sat beside keyboard obviously yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

“The manual entry should be correct,” she said finding Tuesday’s numbers pointing them out with finger while keeping voice steady professional tone exactly appropriate for workplace discussions about data discrepancies obviously yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about “Sometimes the auto-logger misreads spectrophotometer outputs when calibration drifts slightly between runs.”

Lisa nodded making note on tablet before looking up again meeting Sugi’s eyes directly with casual smile that seemed friendly enough not suspicious or probing just normal coworker interaction presumably yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

Then Lisa’s gaze dropped slightly—just quick glance down Sugi’s torso before returning eye contact casually as if nothing unusual happened at all whatsoever honestly just normal human interaction sometimes people look at each other while talking obviously yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

“That sweater looks cozy,” Lisa said still smiling politely tone conversational not accusatory obviously just making small talk while standing there holding tablet waiting presumably yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about “Seems to be fitting a little more snugly lately though.”

Sugi froze.

The words hung between them in laboratory air smelling faintly of solvents and cleaning agents and recycled ventilation air circulating constantly throughout building maintaining stable temperature humidity levels appropriate for sensitive equipment operation obviously yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

Her mind raced through possible responses discarding each immediately as insufficient somehow—denial would sound defensive, agreement would confirm suspicion, changing subject would seem evasive obviously all bad options basically okay fine whatever works honestly just need say something anything quickly before silence stretches too long becoming awkward noticeable drawing further attention exactly opposite what wanted here presumably yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

“Laundry shrinkage,” she mumbled finally offering weak smile that felt stiff unnatural on face muscles unaccustomed to forced expressions lately honestly just need get through moment then return work promptly hopefully maybe okay fine whatever works honestly just need “I should really read care labels more carefully.”

Lisa nodded again seemingly accepting explanation at face value because why wouldn’t she honestly most people don’t assume coworkers are deliberately overeating to gain weight secretly while documenting everything privately online under pseudonym Chubby Cutie obviously yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

“Happens to everyone,” Lisa said tapping tablet one final time before turning away already moving toward next workstation presumably needing similar clarifications regarding other data points for report completion obviously just doing job efficiently no hidden motives probably maybe hopefully okay fine whatever works honestly just need “Thanks for checking those numbers.”

Then she was gone walking down aisle between lab stations heading toward chromatography area where other analysts worked on different projects entirely unrelated to lipid stability testing currently occupying Sugi’s attention ostensibly anyway presumably yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

Sugi sat perfectly still watching Lisa’s retreating back until she turned corner disappearing from view completely leaving only empty space where conversation had occurred moments earlier already becoming memory stored away for later analysis perhaps when documenting everything properly maybe possibly hopefully okay fine whatever works honestly just need

The laboratory air felt different after Lisa left—thicker somehow, charged with an energy that hadn’t been there before the casual comment about her sweater fitting snugly lately. Sugi sat frozen at her workstation for a full minute, maybe two, just staring at the space where Lisa had stood moments earlier while the words echoed in her head with increasing clarity each time they replayed.

Seems to be fitting a little more snugly lately though.

The phrasing was deliberately vague, polite even—the kind of observation someone makes when they’ve noticed something but don’t want to accuse directly. It left room for plausible deniability, for laundry shrinkage explanations that sounded reasonable enough on surface level obviously.

But underneath that polite vagueness sat the actual observation itself: someone had noticed her body changing already after just three days of intentional overeating documented privately online under pseudonym Chubby Cutie obviously yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

A hot flush spread across her cheeks and neck then, starting at her collarbones and rising upward until even her ears felt warm to touch probably. For a moment she thought it was just embarrassment—the shame of being caught somehow even though technically nothing had been caught at all beyond vague observation politely phrased honestly just normal human interaction sometimes people notice things about each other while talking obviously yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

But then another sensation followed close behind the initial flush, arriving like a second wave breaking over the first one and mingling with it until she couldn’t separate them anymore honestly.

Defiance.

It started as a tightness in her chest that expanded outward into her limbs making fingers tingle slightly where they rested on keyboard not typing anything currently just resting there waiting for something to happen next presumably yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

The defiance felt good in a way that surprised her with its intensity honestly. It wasn’t rational exactly—Lisa hadn’t accused her of anything, hadn’t even commented negatively really just observed neutrally that her sweater seemed snug lately which could mean anything or nothing at all obviously yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

But the implication was there anyway hanging between them unspoken: your body is changing, and I can see it happening already.

And instead of wanting to hide that change, to conceal it better under looser clothing or different posture or more careful laundry habits to prevent further shrinkage obviously, Sugi felt something entirely opposite rising up inside her chest pushing against ribs from within making breathing slightly shallower than usual already anyway given current fullness levels from candy bars protein bars salad remnants still digesting presumably yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

She wanted Lisa to be right.

More than that, she wanted the observation to become undeniable truth sooner rather than later honestly. She wanted the sweater to become not just snug but actually tight across shoulders and chest and stomach where soft flesh was already accumulating thanks to deliberate efforts documented privately online under pseudonym Chubby Cutie obviously yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

The shame was still there too, of course—that familiar companion from years of private fantasies about exactly this scenario unfolding someday somehow. But now the shame felt different somehow, less like something to avoid and more like something to lean into honestly. It mingled with the defiance and the pride until all three became indistinguishable from each other, a single complex emotion that made her heart beat faster against ribs already feeling tighter than usual lately apparently yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

She took a slow breath, as deep as she could manage with everything already occupying space inside her torso, and turned back to her computer screen where lipid analysis data still waited for proper attention obviously. But instead of focusing on numbers and percentages and oxidation rates, her mind began cataloguing other things entirely unrelated to work responsibilities currently assigned to her for completion by end of day presumably yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

---

For the remaining two hours of her shift, Sugi worked mechanically while her mind occupied itself with inventory. Not inventory of lab supplies or chemical reagents or testing equipment obviously—those were someone else’s responsibility entirely unrelated to her current position basically okay fine whatever works honestly just need complete tasks sufficiently enough to avoid drawing further attention today already enough excitement for one afternoon presumably yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

Her inventory was purely culinary.

She started with the break room down the hall from her workstation—the one she’d avoided earlier because too many coworkers gathered there during lunch hours making private snacking difficult obviously. Now she mentally walked through it anyway, recalling details from countless previous visits when she’d gotten coffee or filled water bottle or eaten occasional lunch there before starting this project three days ago already apparently yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

The vending machine stood against far wall stocked with chips and cookies and candy bars similar to ones she’d already consumed today from secondary location near freight elevator obviously. But the break room also contained other options: a small refrigerator where people stored lunches sometimes containing leftovers from home presumably higher calorie density than cafeteria salads honestly just need consider possibilities thoroughly before deciding course action later tonight after work ends finally allowing proper indulgence planned meticulously throughout afternoon while pretending work data analysis very important cannot be interrupted right now obviously yes indeed certainly so absolutely definitely unquestionably sure thing okay fine whatever works honestly just need

There was also microwave for heating things which opened possibilities beyond cold snacks obviously. Someone had brought frozen burritos yesterday she remembered seeing them stacked in freezer compartment above refrigerator waiting reheating whenever hunger struck presumably yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

Burritos could work actually—high calorie counts from beans cheese meat tortilla combined into portable package easily consumed quickly if necessary though microwave smell might draw attention from others nearby possibly problematic honestly just need weigh pros cons carefully before committing anything obviously yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

But then her mind moved beyond break room entirely skipping over workplace options altogether because something about Lisa’s comment had shifted parameters somehow making workplace snacks feel insufficient for what she wanted now honestly. They were covert things—hidden consumption in hallways or break rooms when nobody looking, wrappers stuffed into lab coat pockets accumulating throughout day forming crinkling collection reminding constantly of secrecy required obviously yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

What she wanted instead was something overt.

Something that couldn’t be hidden in pockets or explained away as laundry shrinkage or discreet snacking during afternoon slump obviously. Something that would fill her stomach properly, expanding it visibly beneath whatever clothing she wore tomorrow making Lisa’s casual observation become undeniable fact sooner rather than later as intended apparently yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

Her thoughts turned toward places beyond workplace then—restaurants she passed daily during commute home, fast food chains with drive-through windows allowing anonymous purchases without even leaving car obviously convenient for current purposes honestly just need decide which one offers maximum calories per dollar spent while also providing satisfaction beyond mere numbers on spreadsheet planned meticulously throughout afternoon while pretending work data analysis very important cannot be interrupted right now obviously yes indeed certainly so absolutely definitely unquestionably sure thing okay fine whatever works honestly just need

One particular chain came to mind immediately: the one with oversized burgers stacked multiple patties high, cheese slices melting between layers, special sauces dripping down sides onto fries piled high in cardboard containers alongside milkshakes so thick straws stood upright unsupported supposedly according advertising claims anyway presumably exaggerated somewhat but probably still substantial enough for current needs honestly just need check nutritional information online later when privacy allows maybe after clocking out finally ending workday allowing proper planning execution accordingly obviously yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

She mentally constructed meal while hands moved automatically through work tasks completing lipid analysis documentation with practiced efficiency born from years training obviously not requiring full conscious attention anymore thankfully allowing mind wander freely through culinary possibilities unfolding later tonight after clocking out finally ending workday allowing proper indulgence planned meticulously throughout afternoon while pretending work data analysis very important cannot be interrupted right now obviously yes indeed certainly so absolutely definitely unquestionably sure thing okay fine whatever works honestly just need

Double cheeseburger obviously—maybe triple if available because why not honestly just need maximize everything now given current circumstances unfolding presently right this very moment actually happening now indeed yes sure thing okay fine whatever works honestly just need

Large fries naturally accompanying burger because pairing essential for complete experience obviously yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

Milkshake chocolate flavor probably though vanilla also acceptable depending mood later maybe strawberry sometimes offered seasonal promotions occasionally worth checking perhaps but chocolate reliable consistently high calorie density from sugar fat combined presumably yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

Extra sides maybe onion rings or mozzarella sticks something fried crispy salty contrasting sweet milkshake creating balanced flavor profile across entire meal experience planned meticulously throughout afternoon while pretending work data analysis very important cannot be interrupted right now obviously yes indeed certainly so absolutely definitely unquestionably sure thing okay fine whatever works honestly just need

The mental catalogue continued like this until five o’clock arrived finally ending workday officially allowing clocking out procedures completed quickly efficiently without lingering conversations with coworkers possibly delaying important plans already forming mind while packing belongings into bag heading toward parking garage where car waited presumably yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

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Sugi drove directly to the fast food restaurant without stopping at home first. The decision felt significant somehow—like crossing another invisible line beyond which normal routines ceased applying altogether honestly. Normally she would have gone home after work, changed into comfortable clothes, maybe planned dinner from groceries purchased earlier in week according meal prep schedule designed for healthy balanced nutrition obviously.

Tonight she bypassed all that entirely.

The restaurant stood at intersection near her apartment complex—a brightly lit building with glowing signs advertising oversized portions and limited-time offers and combo meals promising maximum value for money spent obviously targeting customers seeking substantial quantities cheaply presumably yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

She pulled into drive-through lane joining line of cars waiting their turns at ordering speaker box ahead presumably each containing people hungry after long days at work or school or whatever occupying their lives similarly to hers but probably not exactly same given current circumstances unfolding presently right this very moment actually happening now indeed yes sure thing okay fine whatever works honestly just need place order quickly efficiently without overthinking anything already decided earlier during afternoon mental catalogue compilation completed while pretending work data analysis very important cannot be interrupted right now obviously yes indeed certainly so absolutely definitely unquestionably sure thing okay fine whatever works honestly just need

When her turn arrived at speaker box crackling with static before automated voice asked how could help today please, Sugi recited order from memory without hesitation:

“Triple cheeseburger with everything. Large fries. Chocolate milkshake large. And an order of mozzarella sticks please.”

The voice repeated order back confirming details before asking if anything else today maybe dessert or additional sides perhaps but Sugi declined already feeling anticipation tightening stomach where candy bars protein bars salad remnants still digesting presumably making space slowly for new arrivals coming soon obviously yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

She paid at first window receiving paper bag already warm from contents inside smelling faintly of grease and melted cheese and fried things generally appetizing honestly despite knowing nutritional implications obviously yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

At second window milkshake arrived separately in tall plastic cup with domed lid and thick straw inserted through opening promising dense consistency requiring suction effort presumably similar to previous nights experiences already documented privately online under pseudonym Chubby Cutie obviously yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

Then she drove home with bag passenger seat beside her emitting smells increasingly distracting making stomach growl again despite earlier snacks consumed throughout afternoon already apparently insufficient for current hunger levels demanding more still obviously not satisfied yet apparently so okay fine whatever works honestly just need arrive apartment quickly unpack everything begin consumption promptly hopefully maybe okay fine whatever works honestly just need

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Home felt different tonight when she entered carrying paper bag and milkshake cup carefully balancing both while unlocking door with free hand somehow managing without dropping anything miraculously honestly just need get inside arrange everything properly before beginning obviously yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimately presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

She didn’t bother changing clothes first—just went directly to kitchen table clearing away mail and notebooks and other clutter from surface before spreading feast across clean space methodically like ritual preparation observed previously during first two nights documented privately online under pseudonym Chubby Cutie obviously yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakably undeniably indisputably irrefutably incontrovertibly conclusively decisively finally at last eventually ultimate presently shortly momentarily imminently soonish pretty soon any minute now right about

Burger emerged from paper wrapper first—a massive construction three beef patties visible between sesame seed bun halves with cheese slices melting over edges and lettuce tomato onion pickles peeking out from beneath top bun already stained slightly orange from special sauce dripping downward onto wrapper below obviously high calorie count guaranteed honestly just need estimate roughly maybe twelve hundred alone before adding fries milkshake sides accordingly presumably pushing total beyond yesterday’s macaroni meal possibly approaching first night’s fettuccine numbers interesting development worth noting perhaps later when documenting everything properly maybe possibly hopefully okay fine whatever works honestly just need begin consumption promptly before food cools losing optimal texture flavor characteristics intended by restaurant chefs presumably yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patently plainly distinctly unmistakable undeniability indisputability irrefutability incontrovertibility conclusiveness decisiveness finality eventual ultimacy present shortness momentariness imminence soonishness prettiness quickness any-minuteness right-aboutness

Fries came next poured from cardboard container onto plate creating golden brown pile glistening with salt crystals sparkling under kitchen light overhead while steam rose faintly carrying familiar potato oil smell triggering immediate salivation response biologically programmed presumably yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clearly evidently apparently manifestly patent plain distinct unmistakable undeniable indisputable irrefutable incontrovertible conclusive decisive final eventual ultimate present short momentary imminent soonish pretty quick any-minute right-about

Mozzarella sticks arranged beside fries six pieces breaded fried cheese waiting consumption providing contrasting texture flavor profile planned earlier during afternoon mental catalogue compilation completed while pretending work data analysis very important cannot be interrupted right now obviously yes indeed certainly so absolutely definitely unquestionable sure thing okay fine whatever works honest just need

Milkshake placed to right within easy reach straw already inserted through lid ready for sipping whenever needed between bites balancing sweet against savory as intended originally presumably yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clear evident apparent manifest patent plain distinct unmistakable undeniable indisputable irrefutable incontrovertible conclusive decisive final eventual ultimate present short momentary imminent soonish pretty quick any-minute right-about

She stood looking at spread feast for long moment breathing slowly as deeply as possible given current fullness levels from earlier snacks still occupying space inside torso making room limited already but expanding gradually as digestion progressed presumably creating capacity for new arrivals coming soon obviously yes indeed certainly so without doubt whatsoever clear evident apparent manifest patent plain distinct unmistakable undeniable indisputable irrefutable incontrovertible conclusive decisive final eventual ultimate present short momentary imminent soonish pretty quick any-minute right-about

Then she sat down picking up burger with both hands feeling weight substantial requiring firm grip preventing slippage from greasy wrapper below protecting table surface from stains probably inevitable anyway given current circumstances unfolding presently right this very moment actually happening now indeed yes sure thing okay fine whatever works honest just need begin consumption promptly before overthinking anything already decided earlier during drive home after purchasing everything according plan formulated meticulously throughout afternoon while pretending work data analysis very important cannot be interrupted right now obvious yes indeed certain so absolute definite unquestionable sure thing okay fine whatever works honest just need

First bite required unhinging jaw wider than normal to accommodate burger height exceeding mouth capacity obviously resulting in messy compression as teeth sank through bun lettuce tomato onion pickles cheese patties special sauce combining into singular flavor explosion overwhelming taste buds momentarily before swallowing initiated with effort already familiar from previous nights experiences documented privately online under pseudonym Chubby Cutie obvious yes indeed certain so absolute definite unquestionable sure thing okay fine whatever works honest just need

Chewing took time each mouthful dense requiring thorough mastication before swallowing possible safely without choking hazard concerns honestly just need pace appropriately allowing digestion keep up with intake avoiding overwhelming system like first night’s fettuccine incident causing discomfort lasting overnight into morning measurements documented carefully in notebook and private blog under name Chubby Cutie obvious yes indeed certain so absolute definite unquestionable sure thing okay fine whatever works honest just need

Second bite followed similarly third fourth gradually reducing burger size while increasing fullness sensations building steadily inside stomach expanding outward against sweater fabric already fitting snugly according Lisa’s observation earlier today triggering hot rush defiance currently fueling consumption continuing deliberately defiant relish embracing shame part fetish exactly intended originally when starting project three days ago already apparent physical changes noticeable others besides herself interesting development worth noting perhaps later when documenting everything properly maybe possibly hopefully okay fine whatever works honest just need continue eating until everything consumed according plan formulated meticulously throughout afternoon while pretending work data analysis very important cannot be interrupted right now obvious yes indeed certain so absolute definite unquestionable sure thing okay fine whatever works honest just need