# Chapter 1: The Pee That Won't Come Out Dr. Elena Reyes, she was like, a pee expert or something. She, like, knew all about how pee goes, and why it sometimes gets stuck. She was the best pee-pee doctor at Mercy Hospital, and everyone wanted her to look at their pee-pees 'cause she was, like, the bestest. But today? It was, like, way different than the other days. This dude, Patient #27, Mr. Peterson, was, like, a big fatso. He had pants that were too small and his shirt had, like, yucky sweat stains. And get this, he couldn't pee for, like, three days! That's, like, totally bad because pee is supposed to come out every day, duh!!! "Doctor lady! I'm gonna, like, explode!" Mr. Peterson yelled when Elena walked in. His face was, like, super red, like a tomato that someone painted redder. Elena looked at her, like, clipboard thingy. "Mr. Peterson, you're saying you can't make pee-pee for three days?" She asked even though she already knew, 'cause that's what doctors do, I guess. "Yeah! My pee-pee holder feels like it's got a bowling ball! I sit and sit but nothing comes out! Just ouchies, so many ouchies!" Mr. Peterson was yelling super loud, even the dead guys next door probably heard. Elena put on her, like, rubber gloves. "I'm gonna poke your belly now. It might hurt a teeny bit." She pushed on his big fat belly. Mr. Peterson screamed like a little kid seeing a spider. "That's not a teeny ouchie! That's a big ouchie!" he yelled, with spit everywhere. Elena's face got all serious, like when your goldfish goes belly up. "Your pee-pee holder is, like, super big. That's not good." She looked at the, like, picture of Mr. Peterson's insides. Usually, the pee-pee holder looks like a balloon with pee. But his looked like a balloon with a watermelon stuck in it! "Did you take any new pills? Eat yucky stuff? Drink from puddles?" Elena asked 'cause people do dumb stuff that makes their pee-pee stop. "No! I'm boring! I eat the same sandwich and watch TV! Changing my socks is, like, the most exciting thing!" Mr. Peterson was getting even redder. Elena was gonna say something 'bout pee-pee holders when her nurse Tiffany ran in. Tiffany's hair was all messy, like she just woke up or fought a leaf blower and lost. "Dr. Reyes! OMG! The ER is full of people who can't pee-pee! They're, like, totally losing it!" Tiffany was breathing super hard, like she ran a marathon or something. "How many?" Elena asked, taking off her gloves and throwing them, but she missed! They fell on the floor! "Like, twenty! And more are coming! Two old ladies fought over the bathroom, even though they can't even pee!" Tiffany's eyes were, like, huge. Elena turned to Mr. Peterson. "I gotta look at your picture again. Stay put. Don't try to pee-pee, it'll be worse." "Where am I gonna go?" Mr. Peterson sounded like he was gonna cry. "I'm stuck here! If I stand up, it hurts more!" Elena ran out, with Tiffany following like a baby duck. The hall was full of people going "oooohhh" and holding their tummies. Some were on the floor, rocking. One lady was yelling at Jesus to make her pee-pee. "This is, like, super weird," Elena said, using a big word 'cause she's a doctor. "Get me all the pee-pee pictures!" Elena looked at all the pee-pee pictures on the computer. All the pee-pee holders were, like, HUGE, like they'd pop! "This is dumb," she said, clicking stuff. "They're all different! Old, young, different jobs. The only thing? No pee-pee!" Elena clicked on Mr. Peterson's picture. She looked super close at his pee-pee holder and saw sparkly things! Like tiny diamonds! "What's that junk?" she said, even though nobody was there. She zoomed in more, but it got blurry. The sparkly stuff wasn't pee-pee stones or anything she learned about. They were like sparkly snowflakes, but not snow. Dr. Morris, the head doctor guy, came in. His tie was all messed up and his head was sweaty. "Reyes! This is bad! Forty-seven people can't pee-pee! It's like a rock concert, but everyone needs to pee!" Elena pointed. "Look! This guy has sparkly stuff in his pee-pee holder! I never saw it before! I don't know what it is!" Dr. Morris looked. His eyebrows went way up! "What is that? Rocks?" "I don't know," Elena said. "But I need to check if the other patients have it too." Three hours later, Elena looked at thirty pictures. Twenty-eight had the sparkly stuff! The other two didn't have pictures yet 'cause the machine was too hot. The hospital was in "code yellow," which means it's bad, but not "everyone's gonna die" bad. Elena got coffee 'cause she was sleepy. The lunch lady, Doris, gave her a big cup. "You look bad," Lunch Lady said. "Like a car went through you." "Yeah," Elena said. "Bad stuff upstairs." "I heard," Lunch Lady said. "My cousin's neighbor is here. He says it feels like a porcupine is coming out his pee-pee holder." Elena drank too fast and burned herself! "Ouch! Hot!" "It's called hot coffee," Lunch Lady said, like Elena was dumb. The hospital was even crazier! People on the floor 'cause no beds. Nurses running around like crazy chickens. Doctors arguing about medicine, but nothing worked! Elena found Tiffany eating a candy bar in the closet. "Tiffany! What?" Elena said. Tiffany choked! "Sugar! I've been putting tubes in pee-pee holes for hours and no pee! It's like pee-pee cement!" Tiffany had chocolate teeth, yuck! "Help me!" Elena said. "We need to get blood from everyone and look for bad stuff!" "Everyone?" Tiffany looked like she had to climb a mountain with no shoes. "Yes! Their pee-pee holders will pop if we don't hurry!" At midnight, the hospital was a mess! People who couldn't pee everywhere! Crying, yelling. One guy punched the vending machine 'cause he thought it stole his pee! Elena was in her office, looking at papers. Her eyes hurt, her back hurt, her brain was mush! "Why can't they pee?" she asked herself. "Old, young, different jobs, different places!" She looked at a map. They were everywhere! Not just one place. So it wasn't the water. Elena was gonna look at more papers when she felt something funny. A little pee-pee feeling. "Coffee," she said. "I need to pee-pee 'cause of coffee." She kept working, but it got worse! Like she had to pee, but was stuck in a car! "Just scared," she said. "All these people can't pee-pee. My brain is copying them!" But then it was really bad! Elena wiggled in her chair, trying to find a spot that didn't hurt her pee-pee holder. "This is dumb!" she said. "I'm going to the potty!" The potty room was empty, good! She didn't want anyone to hear her pee-pee. She sat on the potty and waited. Nothing! "Come on, pee-pee holder," she whispered. "Just do it!" Still nothing! But it hurt more! Like a balloon was blowing up inside! "No way!" Elena said. She stood up and sat down again. She turned on the water. Sometimes that helps! Nothing! "No!" she said, getting scared. "It's just my brain! I'm just scared!" But it hurt now! Like the people said! A big ouch that hurt her brain! Elena went to the sink. She splashed water on her face. Her face in the mirror looked scared! "No! Not me!" she said to the mirror. "I'm supposed to fix it, not get it!" She breathed deep, like in yoga. But it still hurt! And no pee-pee! Elena walked back to her office, feeling the ouch. She looked at the sparkly things on her computer. "What are you?" she asked. "Why no pee-pee?" The sparkly things didn't say anything 'cause they're just a picture! It hurt even more! Like someone was squeezing her pee-pee holder! She knew what that meant! Not just scared! She had it too! The thing that stopped the pee-pee! Elena Reyes, the best pee-pee doctor, couldn't pee-pee! And she didn't know what to do!