Chapter 18: Zen and the Point The air was getting cooler. Demitra shivered slightly. "Cold?" I asked, even though I wasn't. "A little," she said. I put my arm around her, and she leaned into me, resting her head on my shoulder. The contact was comforting, grounding, and completely different from the frantic, desperate encounters I'd had with Valeria. This was... nice. We sat there for a long time, watching the city lights twinkle on across the river. The sounds of the city seemed softer now, muted, as if the entire world had taken a collective breath. It was a perfect moment. I knew that I wasn’t in love with Demitra, or anything close to that, I barely knew her, but god damn if she wasn’t good for me at the moment. The silence wasn't awkward, not like it had been in the early days with Valeria. This felt easy, natural. I could actually hear my own thoughts for once, instead of the constant static of anger and anxiety. It was a really weird feeling, but I kinda liked it. After a few more minutes, I spoke again, feeling a need to break the comfortable silence. “So… you really do this every day?” I asked, referring to the whole meditation and mindfulness thing. Demitra chuckled softly against my shoulder. “Pretty much. Some days are easier than others, obviously. But yeah, I try to make it a priority. Especially living in this city, you know? It's like… a constant assault on your senses.” I nodded, thinking about Central Park, about the aggressive autograph seekers, and even about the damn honking taxi cabs. “Tell me about it. I think my nervous system is permanently fried.” “That’s why you need to recharge,” she said, gently squeezing my arm. “Find those little pockets of peace, wherever you can get them.” “Easier said than done, huh?” I said, then paused, considering something. I looked out over the river, the lights dancing on the water. “I’m just… I’m scared, you know? About losing control.” Demitra shifted, lifting her head from my shoulder to look at me directly. Her eyes were soft and understanding, like she already knew what I was going to say. “Losing control of what, Jimmy?” “Of everything,” I said, running a hand through my hair. “My temper. My game. Myself. After what happened at LeBron’s party… I don’t even know who I am anymore. What if that happens again? What if I actually hurt someone?” The memory of almost doing the unthinkable with that girl at the party still haunted my thoughts, casting a dark shadow over everything. Demitra didn’t say anything for a moment, just looked at me with those knowing eyes. Then she reached out and took my hand, her fingers interlacing with mine. “Hey,” she said softly. “Hey, look at me. You’re not that person, okay? You made a mistake, a bad one, but you stopped yourself. That says a lot about who you really are.” “But it was close, Demitra. Too close. What if next time I don’t stop?” The fear was a cold knot in my stomach, tightening with every replay of the night in my head. She squeezed my hand tighter. “Then you get help. You talk to someone. You do whatever it takes to make sure it doesn’t happen again. That’s what taking responsibility means, Jimmy.” Her words were simple, but they hit me hard. It was like she was cutting through all the bullshit and getting straight to the point. “Dr. Klein is trying, but… I don’t know. I just feel like I’m faking it, you know? Like I’m just going through the motions.” “Maybe you need to find something that really resonates with you,” Demitra suggested. “Something that actually helps you connect with yourself, instead of just trying to suppress your feelings.” “Like what? More goddamn meditation?” I said, trying to joke, but it came out sounding more bitter than funny. Demitra smiled gently. “Maybe. Or maybe something else. Have you ever tried boxing? Or kickboxing? Something physical, where you can channel that anger into something productive?” I considered it for a moment. The image of pounding a punching bag until my knuckles bled was… appealing. “I guess I could try that. But what if I just end up hurting someone else?” “Then you find a good trainer, someone who can teach you control and discipline,” she said firmly. “It’s not about unleashing your anger, Jimmy. It’s about learning how to manage it, how to transform it into something positive.” I thought about it. It wasn’t a bad idea. It was better than being mindful, if that was even going to be a real thing for me. I also thought about how much better it was talking to Demitra, than being with Valeria. I didn’t know why, and maybe I was idealising this, but it was a good feeling. And now I had it confirmed, from Greg and Nancy. I knew I couldn’t go back to Valeria. “You really think that could work?” I asked, feeling a flicker of hope for the first time in what felt like forever. “I know it can,” she said confidently. “You just have to be willing to try. And you have to be willing to be honest with yourself about what you need.” I nodded, taking a deep breath. “Okay,” I said. “Okay, I’ll try it. I’ll try anything at this point.” Demitra smiled, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “Good,” she said. “That’s all I ask.” We sat in silence for a few more minutes, the city lights twinkling around us. The cool air felt refreshing against my skin, and the knot in my stomach started to loosen. Maybe, just maybe, I could actually get through this. Maybe I could actually learn how to control my anger, how to be a better person. And maybe, just maybe, Demitra could help me do it. I turned to her, feeling a genuine connection that went beyond just physical attraction. This was something different, something deeper. “Demitra,” I said softly. “Thank you. For everything.” She blushed slightly, her cheeks turning a delicate shade of pink. “You don’t have to thank me, Jimmy. I’m just… glad I could be here for you.” I hesitated for a moment, unsure if I was reading the situation right. But then I decided to just go for it. I leaned in closer, my heart pounding in my chest. “Can I kiss you?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper. Her eyes widened slightly, but she didn’t pull away. Instead, she leaned in closer too, her lips parting slightly. “Yes,” she whispered back. I closed the distance between us, my lips meeting hers in a soft, tentative kiss. It was nothing like the rough, aggressive kisses I used to share with Valeria. This was gentle, sweet, and full of unspoken emotion. It was a kiss that promised something new, something healthier. The kiss lingered for a few moments, then I slowly pulled away, my eyes meeting hers. Demitra’s eyes were sparkling, filled with a warmth that made my heart swell. “Wow,” I said, my voice still a little shaky. “That was…” “Nice?” she finished for me, smiling shyly. “Yeah,” I said, nodding. “Really nice.” We both laughed softly, the tension between us melting away. It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I knew that this was just the beginning, but for the first time in a long time, I felt hopeful about the future. The moon was higher in the sky, casting long shadows across the park. I looked at my watch. “I should probably get you back home,” I said reluctantly. “It’s getting late.” Demitra nodded. “Yeah, probably. But… thank you, Jimmy. For tonight. I really needed this too.” I smiled, taking her hand again. “Anytime,” I said. “That’s what friends are for.” We walked hand in hand back towards her apartment, the silence between us comfortable and easy. As we reached her building, I hesitated, not wanting the night to end. “So…” I said awkwardly. “I guess I’ll see you around?” Demitra laughed. “Yeah, you will. I have a feeling we’ll be seeing a lot of each other.” I grinned. “I hope so.” She stepped closer, reaching up to brush a stray strand of hair from my forehead. “Be careful, Jimmy,” she said softly. “And remember what we talked about. You’re not alone in this.” I nodded, feeling a surge of gratitude. “I know,” I said. “Thank you, Demitra. Really.” I leaned in and kissed her again, a quick, chaste kiss that left me wanting more. Then I stepped back, watching as she disappeared into her building. As I walked away, I felt a sense of lightness I hadn’t experienced in weeks. The anger and anxiety were still there, simmering beneath the surface, but they weren’t as overwhelming as they had been. I had a new friend, someone who understood me and cared about me. And maybe, just maybe, I had a chance at a new, healthier relationship. Now all I needed to do was tell everyone about Duke. I turned my thoughts to the future, picturing myself incorporating some of Demitra’s mindfulness techniques into my daily routine. Maybe a few minutes of meditation before practice, or a quick walk in the park to clear my head. It wouldn’t be easy, but I was willing to try. I owed it to myself, and I owed it to Demitra. Lenny and Roxanne wouldn’t be happy about Duke, about me leaving, I thought. And then there was Greg and Keithie and Becky. The whole team… it was going to be a big conversation. But right now, I felt calm, confident. For the first time in a long time, I knew I could handle anything that came my way. I reached into my pocket, pulling out my phone. I opened my notes app, creating a new entry titled “Mindfulness Techniques.” I started to jot down some of the things Demitra had told me, determined to make a real effort to change my life for the better. A black SUV was rolling up, and stopped by my side. The door opened, and there he was: Rich Paul. What the hell was he doing here? “Get in, Jim,” he said, a serious look on his face. “We need to talk. About Valeria.” My stomach dropped. What now? Was this even going to end, ever? I hesitated, but Rich’s expression told me this was serious. I climbed into the car, bracing myself for whatever he was about to tell me. “What’s going on, Rich?” I asked, my voice tight. Rich sighed, rubbing his temples. “I just got a call from TMZ,” he said grimly. “They have pictures of Valeria and Miguel. Making out. In Times Square. And they’re about to publish them.” I closed my eyes, feeling a wave of anger and betrayal wash over me. Just when I thought I was finally moving on, this shit had to happen. “What do you want me to do?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper. “I don’t know, Jim,” Rich said honestly. “But whatever you do, don’t lose control. Don’t let this ruin everything you’ve worked so hard for.” I nodded, clenching my fists. “I won’t,” I said, my voice trembling with anger. “I promise.” The car sped off into the night, leaving me alone with my thoughts. The anger was back, stronger than ever. But this time, I knew I couldn’t let it consume me. I had to find a way to channel it, to control it. I owed it to myself, and I owed it to Demitra. I took a deep breath, trying to remember the calm I had felt just moments ago. It wasn’t easy, but I refused to let this break me. I would get through this, one way or another. I pulled out my phone again, scrolling through my contacts until I found Demitra’s name. I hesitated for a moment, then pressed the call button. “Hey,” I said softly when she answered. “It’s me, Jim. I… I need to talk.” There was a pause on the other end of the line. “What’s wrong?” Demitra asked, her voice filled with concern. I took another deep breath, trying to find the right words. “It’s Valeria,” I said. “And… well, it’s complicated.” Another pause. “I’m listening,” she said. And so, I began to tell her everything. About the pictures, about the anger, about the fear of losing control. And as I spoke, I felt a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, I could actually make it through this with her by my side.