Bartholomew Buttonsby, a notoriously inept wizard's apprentice, stumbles upon a peculiar dagger during a routine dungeon-cleaning assignment. The dagger, strangely warm to the touch, seems to possess a bizarre sentience, hinting at a violent past and a hunger for more. Bartholomew, terrified and fascinated in equal measure, finds himself unwillingly bonded to the weapon, much to the chagrin of his perpetually exasperated mentor, Old Man Fitzwilliam.
The dagger's unusual properties quickly begin to manifest in comical ways, influencing Bartholomew's already clumsy magic and leading to a series of increasingly chaotic mishaps. From accidentally turning Fitzwilliam's prized garden gnome into a miniature dragon to setting the school's broom closet ablaze with self-aware cleaning supplies, the dagger's influence throws Bartholomew's life into utter disarray.
Forced to understand the dagger's intentions, Bartholomew discovers that it craves a specific type of magical energy found only in the notorious "Giggle Caves". Joined by a reluctant Fitzwilliam and a sentient, yet cowardly, garden gnome, Bartholomew sets out on a quest to appease the dagger's insatiable hunger, hoping to prevent it from turning him into a magical murder machine and perhaps, just perhaps, becoming a slightly less incompetent wizard along the way.